A young Nzinga Lake in the arms of her father Joseph. Lake Jr. an image Lake says represents the circle of care: once they carried us; today, many of us are helping to carry them.
PHILIPSBURG--Daughter of the soil, Nzinga Lake, is calling on people to check on caregivers who are often focused on caring for ageing, ill or dependent loved ones while managing jobs, families, financial responsibilities and their own struggles.
Lake is hoping to build a community movement called “Who Checks on Us?” centred on the emotional and practical weight carried by caregivers.
“Check on the person who is always checking on everyone else,” Lake said. Lake said her own experience caring for her ageing parents with her siblings over the past two years prompted her to think more deeply about caregivers.
“For the past two years, my siblings and I have been privately caring for our ageing parents, and this journey has changed me,” Lake said. “My parents are not dying; they are ageing, and I thank God that they are still here. But as our loved ones age, roles begin to change. Once, they carried us. Now, for many of us, it is our turn to help carry them.”
Lake said caregivers can include nieces caring for aunts, nephews caring for uncles, grandchildren caring for grandparents, husbands caring for wives, wives caring for husbands, siblings caring for each other and friends caring for friends.
She also pointed to neighbours who step up to help someone in need and people caring for loved ones living with dementia or Alzheimer’s disease, cancer, the effects of Stroke, Parkinson’s disease, disabilities, chronic illnesses and other conditions requiring ongoing support. “Everyone asks, ‘How is Mommy?’ ‘How is Daddy?’ ‘How is Auntie?’ And of course they should. But I started thinking: who asks the caregiver, ‘How are YOU?’”
Lake said some caregivers are simply the people who stepped up and continue to do so. “Sometimes the caregiver isn't the person anyone expected to take on the responsibility,” Lake said. “They are simply the person who showed up and kept showing up. I want those people to know that we see them too.”
She also spoke about the emotional impact of watching someone a person loves change.
“Sometimes you miss parts of someone who is still right there beside you,” she said. “You remember their independence, their strength and the things they once did so easily. You can grieve those changes while still being incredibly grateful that they are here.”
Lake said friends who are also caregivers have provided support through calls, guidance, prayer, venting, crying, laughter and listening. “We call each other. We ask for guidance. We pray. We vent. We cry. We laugh because sometimes you really have to laugh. And we listen. Those check-ins have helped me tremendously.”
Lake has also kept a journal of things she has learnt through caregiving, including cleaning, useful products and practical routines.
She said one lesson stands above the others: patience. “Caregiving teaches you patience with the person you love, patience with the situation and sometimes, most importantly, grace and patience with yourself.”
Lake also has a message for caregivers who may be exhausted. “You are seen. You are valued. You are loved. What you do matters. Being tired does not mean you love the person less. Feeling
overwhelmed does not make you ungrateful. Sometimes you need advice. Sometimes you need prayer. Sometimes you need to cry, laugh or vent. And sometimes you simply need a hug.”
She is also urging siblings and extended family members to share caregiving responsibilities.
“Please don't let the person who always steps up become the person everyone simply expects to carry everything,” Lake said. “If someone in your family is carrying most of the responsibility, ask what you can do. Make an appointment. Bring a meal. Run an errand. Give them a few hours to breathe. Even if you live abroad, there may be something you can take responsibility for.”
Lake acknowledged the work already being done by healthcare professionals, government, churches, foundations and community organisations, stressing that “Who Checks on Us?” is intended to complement rather than compete with existing efforts.
“This isn't the government's responsibility alone. This belongs to all of us,” Lake said. “Families, friends, neighbours, employers, businesses, churches, organisations and government all have a role. But checking in doesn't require a programme or a budget.”
Lake said checking in can be as simple as a telephone call, a listening ear, prayer, an hour of help or a hug. “A hug doesn't take away what the caregiver has to face when they go back through the door,” Lake said. “But sometimes it says, ‘I see you. You don't have to explain.’ And that can give someone enough strength to keep going.”
Lake hopes “Who Checks on Us?” will develop into a community culture rather than simply another campaign. “This is my calling to encourage us to check in. Caregivers checking on caregivers. Families checking on each other. Friends checking on friends. A community remembering the people quietly carrying the care.”
Lake said her first goal is simple: for someone to think of a caregiver they have not checked on recently, pick up the phone and ask, “How are you?”
“Because change doesn't always begin with hundreds of people. Sometimes it begins with one person checking on one person. “Once, they carried us. Now, many of us are helping to carry them. While we carry them, let us carry each other. “Who checks on us? We do,” said Lake.
