GREAT BAY--Community advocate Nzinga Lake is calling on families, friends and the wider St. Maarten community to pay greater attention to the emotional and practical burden carried by caregivers, launching a personal appeal under the theme, “Who Checks on Us?”
“Check on the person who is always checking on everyone else.”
The call grew out of Lake’s own experience caring for her aging parents alongside her siblings, an experience she says has changed the way she looks at caregiving and the people who quietly take on that responsibility every day.
“For the past two years, my siblings and I have been privately caring for our aging parents, and this journey has changed me,” Lake said. “My parents are not dying; they are aging, and I thank God that they are still here. But as our loved ones age, roles begin to change. Once, they carried us. Now, for many of us, it is our turn to help carry them.”
Lake said caregivers are often balancing the needs of loved ones with employment, family responsibilities, financial commitments and challenges of their own. While concern naturally centers on the person who is aging, ill or dependent, she believes greater attention should also be given to the person providing the daily care.
“Everyone asks, ‘How is Mommy?’ ‘How is Daddy?’ ‘How is Auntie?’ And of course they should. But I started thinking: who asks the caregiver, ‘How are YOU?’”
For Lake, the conversation goes far beyond adult children caring for elderly parents. Caregivers can be nieces and nephews looking after relatives who helped raise them, grandchildren caring for grandparents, spouses caring for each other, siblings, friends or neighbors who stepped forward when someone needed help.
Many are caring for loved ones living with dementia or Alzheimer’s disease, cancer, the effects of stroke, Parkinson’s disease, disabilities, chronic illnesses and other conditions requiring continuing support.
“Sometimes the caregiver isn't the person anyone expected to take on the responsibility,” Lake said. “They are simply the person who showed up and kept showing up. I want those people to know that we see them too.”
Lake said caregiving can also involve adjusting emotionally to changes in someone who remains deeply loved and present.
“Sometimes you miss parts of someone who is still right there beside you,” she said. “You remember their independence, their strength and the things they once did so easily. You can grieve those changes while still being incredibly grateful that they are here.”
She said some of her strongest personal support has come from friends who are caregivers themselves and understand the experiences that are sometimes difficult to explain to others.
“We call each other. We ask for guidance. We pray. We vent. We cry. We laugh because sometimes you really have to laugh. And we listen. Those check-ins have helped me tremendously.”
Lake has also kept a journal documenting things she has learned throughout the caregiving process, from cleaning and useful products to practical routines. Among those lessons, she said patience has become particularly important.
“Caregiving teaches you patience with the person you love, patience with the situation and sometimes, most importantly, grace and patience with yourself.”
She also offered a direct message to caregivers who may be carrying their responsibilities while quietly struggling with exhaustion or feeling overwhelmed.
“You are seen. You are valued. You are loved. What you do matters. Being tired does not mean you love the person less. Feeling overwhelmed does not make you ungrateful. Sometimes you need advice. Sometimes you need prayer. Sometimes you need to cry, laugh or vent. And sometimes you simply need a hug.”
Lake is also encouraging siblings and extended family members to take a more active role rather than allowing caregiving responsibilities to fall consistently on one person.
“Please don't let the person who always steps up become the person everyone simply expects to carry everything,” Lake said. “If someone in your family is carrying most of the responsibility, ask what you can do. Take an appointment. Bring a meal. Run an errand. Give them a few hours to breathe. Even if you live abroad, there may be something you can take responsibility for.”
She acknowledged the work already being carried out by healthcare professionals, Government, churches, foundations and community organizations. Lake stressed that “Who Checks on Us?” is intended to complement those efforts by encouraging individuals and families to recognize the role they can play.
“This isn't Government's responsibility alone. This belongs to all of us,” Lake said. “Families, friends, neighbors, employers, businesses, churches, organizations and Government all have a role. But checking in doesn't require a programme or a budget.”
That support, she said, does not always have to be complicated. It can take the form of a telephone call, a listening ear, prayer, help with a task or simply spending time with someone who needs support.
“A hug doesn't take away what the caregiver has to face when they go back through the door,” Lake said. “But sometimes it says, ‘I see you. You don't have to explain.’ And that can give someone enough strength to keep going.”
Rather than developing “Who Checks on Us?” as another short-term campaign, Lake hopes the message can encourage a broader community culture in which checking on caregivers becomes a normal part of how families and communities support one another.
“This is my calling to encourage us to check in. Caregivers checking on caregivers. Families checking on each other. Friends checking on friends. A community remembering the people quietly carrying the care.”
Lake said her initial objective is simple and does not require a major organization or formal structure to make an impact.
“My first goal is remarkably simple. “If one person reads this today, thinks of a caregiver they haven't checked on in a while, picks up the phone and asks, ‘How are YOU?’, I will feel that we have already moved something toward change.”
She believes meaningful change can begin at an individual level, with one person deciding to reach out to another.
“Because change doesn't always begin with hundreds of people. Sometimes it begins with one person checking on one person. “Once, they carried us. Now, many of us are helping to carry them. While we carry them, let us carry each other.
“WHO CHECKS ON US? WE DO” said Lak
Photo captions:
Left: Nzinga Lake with her mother, Patricia Maxwell-Lake. Lake’s family caregiving experience inspired her call for a community culture of checking in on caregivers.
Right: A young Nzinga Lake in the arms of her father Mr. Joseph. Lake Jr. an image Lake says represents the circle of care: once they carried us; today, many of us are helping to carry them.
